Non-State Actress #25: We Need to Talk About an Annoying Man From North Korea

The Axis of Awful™️ (and Annoying)

Welcome to Non-State Actress written by me, Maggie Feldman-Piltch . Our last issue, Beyond the Bling - Critical Minerals Outside Your Engagement Ring, is here.

You can find some other stuff on North Korea here and here.

If you like what you read, consider being a paid subscriber. In addition to all the written content, paid subscribers can get national security explainers from yours truly delivered right to your phone, plus some other cool stuff. It’s pretty great.

---

A Dedication

I dedicate all my North Korea focused work to Otto Warmbier for a long list of reasons. I’m making a special addition to the dedication to this piece to include a group of fearless content creators I am collaborating with, in honor of their unique contribution to expanding the horizons of North Koreans. I am forever (not) your only fan 🦄.

BLUF

So much of the ‘western’ conversation assumes North Korean soldiers joined Russia’s illegal full-scale invasion of Ukraine at Putin’s desperate request. This is shortsighted and dangerous. Russia, China, Iran, and North Korea’s interconnectivity is nothing new - as we’ve discussed - and is only getting messier as each nation uses one another’s priorities for their own gain and interest. Kim Jong-Un is not an altruistic gentleman and neither is Vladimir Putin. Both are violent dictators aiming for a vision of the world we would not currently recognize. Failing to see North Korea and its leadership as self-interested above all else is like getting your hopes up over someone who wants you to Venmo them for the bread basket on the first date…and you’re gluten free. Stupid and your own fault.

---

Press Play

---

Some Main Characters Are Terrible People And We Cannot Look Away

When talking about various dictators, it's important not to play favorites, because every single one of them is disgusting. Still, each villain deserves the main character energy required to hold them accountable for their atrocities - and that includes Kim Jong-Un of North Korea.

We keep asking why Vladimir Putin asked Kim Jong-Un to send 10,000 North Koreans to Russia to invade Ukraine, and we keep forgetting to ask why Kim Jong-Un said yes - or perhaps more likely - Why did KJU offer?

This question is interesting, but it also matters.

It matters because unless you’re part of a *super* small group of people, there are incredibly limited opportunities to know what is or isn’t happening in North Korea. And so we must walk this fine line between paying too much attention to every single action and activity and not paying enough attention.

This is like when the guy who peaked in the high school days of ‘GYM. TAN. LAUNDRY.’ posts a video in his front seat while drinking a protein shake so close to your high school reunion and you cannot look away from the train wreck but you absolutely know better. But also you can’t not see. To be clear, I’m not saying John R. (👀) is as bad as KJU in any way. I’m saying imagine if the homophobic, antisemitic, misogynistic, lunatic mediocre soccer player from high school who cannot seem to stop looking you up online became a nuclear-adjacent nepo-baby dictator instead of a real life Dwight Schrute. You’d want to look, but also you don’t want to give him the power of your time you know?

ANYWAY.

Why did KJU offer to send 10,000 soldiers to Russia to help invade Ukraine? The question becomes even more enormous when you realize the lengths his regime goes to keep North Koreans *in*.

I'm guessing he saw an opportunity to test his military, have some serious bargaining power with Russia (a nation with a far more advanced space and nuclear program than North Korea) two things KJU is itching for…and the idea of us all sitting around and talking about him isn't so bad either.

---

Daddy Issues and Military Envy

So let's talk about KJU's existential crisis for a hot second. Grandpa Kim Il-Sung? Revolutionary hero who "liberated" Korea from Japanese occupation (with a little help from his Soviet friends, but shhh, we don't talk about that in Pyongyang). Papa Kim Jong-Il? Nuclear weapons program extraordinaire who put North Korea on the "don't mess with us" map.

And then there's our boy KJU, who inherited the family business without a signature achievement to call his own. Talk about pressure! So what's a third-generation dictator to do when he's feeling inadequate at the authoritarian dinner table? Send 10,000 troops to fight someone else's wildly illegal war! It's like borrowing your friend's copy of Sim’s 4 with the war machine expansion pack and trying to take credit for their genocide. Not only are you a liar, it’s a level of depravity one cannot hopefully easily fathom. You are so jealous of someone else’s genocide…you want to join in and claim credit. And the friend you’re borrowing from is Putin - cool.

---

Military Testing: The Ultimate Field Trip

For KJU, military and its equipment is BAE…and I do not mean BAE Systems. He prioritizes it before everything - including feeding his people. We’ve talked about this quite a bit. KJU is very, very proud of his military and all its various components. He puts a lot of time and energy and resources into getting around UN sanctions and/or stealing equipment in order to replicate it so his military has the almost latest and kind of decentest toys and tools to play with…but all practice and no war makes KJU a very dull boy.

Look, you can run all the military drills you want, but nothing beats the real thing. KJU has spent decades building this massive military machine - North Korea spends more than 36% of its GDP on its military each year and has the 4th largest force in the world. When you consider North Korea is a population of 26 million with a military of 1.2ish million and the United States has a population of about 336 million with a military of 2.86 million….woof. That's like having one soldier for every 22 citizens, while the US has one for every 117.

But here's the thing - his troops have been playing war games against imaginary Americans for decades without ever firing a shot in actual combat. Ukraine is basically the ultimate military internship! His officers get real battlefield experience, test their equipment against Western weapons, and learn modern warfare tactics without KJU having to risk his own regime. It's like sending your kid to space camp, except the space camp is a literal warzone and your kid might die and they’re committing war crimes. Minor details!

---

The Space Race: Kim's Galaxy Brain

Kim Jong-Un isn’t looking to play a bigger role in the current world order, he’s looking to play a major role in a revised reality featuring authoritarian regimes as the stars. The goal is not merely a more functional, ready “traditional” military - he’s got his eye on the sky. And he has for a long time.

Let's be real - North Korea's space program has the same energy as that volcano model you made in 3rd grade science class. Sure, they've managed to launch a few satellites that mostly just tumble around in space playing the national anthem, and that is more than we can say than SpaceX’s latest launch attempt. But Russia? Russia’s got the good stuff…relatively speaking.

KJU looks at Russia's space program like a teenager eyeing a Lamborghini. "If I help you kidnap that kid from Ukraine, can I borrow your rocket technology?" And Putin, who needs warm bodies on the front lines more than he needs satellite secrets, is probably like, "Da, whatever, just sign here. Also can I borrow your Axe body spray."

For KJU, gaining access to legitimate space technology isn't just about prestige - it's about surveillance, communication, and yes, missile delivery systems. Because nothing says "I've arrived as a dictator" like being able to take a selfie of your country from space... or target your enemies with greater precision. It's a win-win! (For him, not for literally anyone else. Including North Koreans, who are still starving.)

---

Nuclear Envy: Size Matters

North Korea has nukes, sure. But having nukes and having good nukes are two different things. It's like comparing a flip phone to an iPhone 15. They both make calls, but one of them is way more impressive at the authoritarian country club. Also, one means “killing people” and the other means “killing people you meant to kill and not yourself.” The latter is necessary for a deterrent, because no one takes you seriously if they know you pose a risk primarily to your own nation.

Russia's nuclear program is sophisticated, tested, and terrifying. KJU wants that nuclear knowledge like a kid wants the secret recipe to McDonald's special sauce. By sending troops to Ukraine, he's essentially saying, "I'll help you with your homework if you help me with mine." Except the homework is war crimes and the exchange is nuclear technology that could potentially destabilize the entire region…and the world. You know, normal dictator stuff.

---

The Fame Game: All Eyes on Me

Let's not forget KJU's insatiable appetite for attention. Again, *very* average dictator stuff (see: Putin’s various photoshoots, all which are deeply homoerotic in vibes).

When was the last time you thought about North Korea before this whole Ukraine thing? Exactly. The man is a walking, talking (well, rarely talking) attention seeker who's been eclipsed by bigger, badder authoritarians on the world stage.

Putin invades Ukraine? Front page news. Xi Jinping does literally anything? Breaking alerts. KJU tests another missile that splashes into the sea? Page 17, below the story about a water-skiing squirrel and the pigeon held in Canadian prison.

By inserting himself into the Ukraine conflict, KJU gets to be part of the conversation again. Western intelligence agencies have to talk about him, analysts have to consider his motivations, and here I am, writing an entire piece about what's going on in his head. Mission accomplished, Kimmy! Mazel tov! We're all thinking about you again!

---

The Authoritarian Bromance: Squad Goals

The most exclusive club in the world isn't Soho House or the Illuminati - it's the Authoritarian Axis of Awful™. China, Russia, Iran, and North Korea, have formed the geopolitical equivalent of a high school clique, except instead of deciding who sits at the lunch table, they're deciding which democracies to undermine next.

These relationships aren't just about shared values like "human rights are overrated" and "free press is so last century." They're practical survival mechanisms. When China buys North Korean coal despite sanctions, when Russia shares military tech with Iran, when Iran provides drones to Russia for use in Ukraine, when North Korea sends troops to Russia - they're all playing a complex game of authoritarian musical chairs, making sure none of them gets left standing alone when the music stops. Sadly for them, I have a multiple degrees in opera performance and as a lyric soprano I prefer to be alone on stage.

For KJU, being the smallest kid in this playground of bullies means he needs these relationships more than anyone. Assad used to be in this column too but, oops. Putin's Russia provides diplomatic cover, potential technology transfers, and now, a battlefield to test his military. China provides economic lifelines and protection from total international isolation. Iran offers solidarity in the "nuclear pariah" club.

These authoritarian bromances aren't just nice-to-haves for KJU - they're essential to his regime's survival. Each dictator knows that if one falls, the others become more vulnerable. It's like those friendship bracelets where if one breaks, the whole thing falls apart... except the friendship bracelet is made of oppression, nuclear threats, and human rights violations.

---

The Long Game: KJU's Strategic Patience

Here's what's really fascinating about KJU's Ukraine gambit - he's playing chess while everyone thinks he's playing checkers. By sending troops to Ukraine, he's:

1. Getting battlefield experience for his military

2. Creating leverage with Russia for technology transfers

3. Distracting from internal problems (like, you know, mass starvation)

4. Strengthening authoritarian solidarity

5. Testing Western resolve without directly provoking a response

6. Gathering intelligence on Western weapons and tactics

7. Positioning himself as a player in European security

All without officially declaring war on anyone! It's like he found a cheat code for relevance in international politics. Gross! And we haven’t even talked about the digital asset stuff today because ya girl is tired.

---

The Bottom Line: The Method to KJU's Madness

So when we ask "What's in it for Kim?" - the answer is pretty much everything. He gets to test his military in real combat conditions, potentially gain access to advanced space and nuclear technology, make himself relevant again on the world stage, and strengthen his position in the authoritarian friend group - all while pretending he's just being a good pal to Putin.

It's a masterclass in dictator opportunism that would make his grandfather and father proud. And for a guy whose entire legitimacy rests on living up to the family name, that might be the biggest win of all.

Dictators gonna dictate, but understanding their motivations means we're less likely to be surprised by their next move. Stay informed, stay skeptical, and remember - in the game of authoritarian thrones, there are no good guys, just different flavors of villain.

---

Gimme More

I’m offering up the other Non-State Actress “stuff” I linked to in this post in one neat spot here, because there are now more than 40,000 people following me on Substack (🥲🥹) and I am genuinely in awe.

An additional point of personal privilege…to Professor Richie Adelstein and General Jim Dubik, my undergraduate and graduate school advisors who I noticed among the subscribers last week.

Short Courses on Heterodox Schools of Economic Thought - Dr. Richie Adelstein

Just War Reconsidered: Strategy, Ethics, and Theory - General Jim Dubik