Non-State Actress #20: Don't Forget to Clear Your Search History Before You Die
The North Korean military is watching a lot of porn in Russia, and I cannot overstate how interesting and important for democracy this is.
Welcome to Non-State Actress written by me, Maggie Feldman-Piltch . Our last issue, NATO is the Moisture Barrier for Democracy can be found here.
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BLUF
The North Korea-Russia relationship is more elaborate than most people realized, and watching two dictators go from a supposedly ‘gentle’ bromance to full on Ride and Die has significant implications for US and global security interests. Also, North Korean soldiers are watching an awful lot of porn1, presenting perhaps the most robust opportunity for change, via a grassroots democracy movement within North Korea, in decades.
Press Play
The North Korean Military is Doing What? Where?
If you’ve missed this headline you are forgiven, it’s been a long few weeks. So let’s back up a second.
On about October 23, reports started coming in that North Korea (known officially as the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea despite being a violent, dynastic, dictatorship) had sent approximately 8,000 troops to Russia to support Putin’s illegal full-scale invasion of Ukraine. Very demur, very mindful, totally not alarming…
United States National Security Advisor Jake Sullivan happened to be hosting his Japanese and South Korean counterparts in Washington, D.C. at the same time, so WOW was that probably kind of awkward. The news shocked basically everyone except Russia and North Korea - so much so that National Security Council Coordinator for Strategic Communications John Kirby confirmed the development fundamentally shifted the tone of the trilateral meeting. Sure, North Korea/Russia was on the agenda given the recent increased cooperation between the two (see: ‘ gentle bromance’ like illegal arms and ballistic missile transfers) and some satellite imagery showing Russian naval vessels moving things and people from North Korea in August, but the plan had to been to focus mostly on China and ‘keeping the status quo’ in the region. That’s a story for another day though.
Anyway.
Fast forward to November 13 and there are a confirmed 10,000 North Korean troops embedded with the Russian military including approximately 500 officers and 3 generals. The troops reportedly spent a few weeks training in infantry basics (trench warfare), with artillery, unmanned aerial vehicles (drones) - all things absolutely essential for frontline combat operations. It is still not quite clear how effectively the North Koreans will integrate into the existing Russian force. One would think the language barrier alone would, as history constantly reminds us, be a challenge, but on the other given all the problems Russia has had getting basic supplies to its military maybe it will feel like home for the North Koreans?
Early reports suggest the shooting skills of the North Koreans are pretty good, probably because they’ve trained without modern technology and now have access scopes made in the last 40 years. These are not the absolute first North Korean arrivals to the Russia’s war. In fact, some already came and left because they hated it so much! It is the most significant and organized, though.
It’s easy to get lost in the sauce here because my love of military operations knows no bounds, but let’s leave it here for now:
North Korea and Russia have done the equivalent of Making It Instagram Official by posting their engagement photoshoot with no warning, so big escalation vibes. Now onto 1) why any of this is not ideal but important, 2) what it could mean, and 3) all that porn I mentioned.
This Seems Bad But Is It Actually BAD?
It is never not a big deal when one country asks another country to send its military to support the first country’s attempt to violently overthrow a democracy - or a government of any kind, really. Traditionally, it’s not something a leader or government does if they’re looking to ‘wrap things up,’ and it is definitely not the strategic decision of choice when things are going really well. So that is something to take note of.
As I’ve said to friends and people who tolerate my constant banter, I am more focused on this than other conflicts in the world right now. Let’s try to put this in perspective:
What’s Old is New Again But Also It’s New
It’s true we’ve been here before, kind of, and that’s a significant source of my ‘unpleasant vibes’.
Historically of course, groups of nations fight other groups of nations. You may be familiar with this concept from World War I and World War II. Those groups are often united or divided by ideology and/or geography (see previous example). Ukraine and North Korea (I knew a guy who went there and came back nearly-dead and then died so I’m not calling them that place democratic even if the word is in its official name, sorry not sorry) are both territorial neighbors with Russia. Ukraine’s geography is what Russia is after, so as absurd and illegal and immoral as Russia’s invasion of Ukraine is, it makes more sense than Russia deciding to start with, say, France. But given where North Korea is in relation to Ukraine, it’s hard to genuinely suggest this is the military equivalent of Russia borrowing a cup of sugar from North Korea (though Russia does need supplies apparently). Why?
Well, here is a map, a simple screenshot from Google Maps, showing the general distance from North Korea (the dropped pin) to Ukraine:
It’s approximately 4,154 air line (as in shortest distance) miles from North Korea to Kursk, the region of Russia troops are training in. For reference, it’s about 2,445 air line miles from New York City to LAX. Looking at this map, a few things are clear - particularly how absolutely enormous Russia is. Russia spans 11 time zones, 10 of which are part of a contiguous landmass. For reference, the US also has 11 but that includes islands and part of Antartica.
And here are a series of maps put together using data from Institute for the Study of War outlining how the North Koreans made it from North Korea to Russia to Ukraine (hint, it includes planes, trains, and automobiles and there is a Trans-Siberian railroad moment!). I really recommend looking at them - I would have embedded directly if I could do so and still give appropriate credit.
So!
Not only is the conflict too far from North Korea to threaten its borders, but it’s also WAY too far for North Korea to be a functional hub or base. And also North Korea has, like, no food or supplies? I want to come back to why the North Korean’s agreed to this deal in a bit but for now, let’s stay focused on the geography.
Russia is so big it literally starts in Europe and ends in Asia - and that’s important.
By pulling North Korea into the conflict with troops on the ground in Ukraine, Russia has taken this conflict from regional to global.
Again, you may be familiar with this concept from World War I and World War II. And if that doesn’t raise your eyebrows, the absurdity and chaos is made even more clear when you consider that Ukraine is literally fighting to defend its own internationally recognized borders.
Coming from a guy whose core argument is about NATO threatening Russia? This is super Ken energy. More on that here:
Why Did North Korea Sign Up for This ?
North Korea is not usually the Partner of Choice for, well, anything. Or at least anything you’d want to be doing unless you’re a psychopath. From the Russia -Ukraine perspective, North Korea is far away. North Korea is poor. People in North Korea die from starvation, easily-curable disease, and political violence all the time.
If North Korea cannot feed, clothe, heal, and nurture its own people how the heck is it supposed to be able to be helpful to an expeditionary conflict and why on earth would it bother?
Good questions.
There’s another equally good question embedded here: considering all the reasons North Korea is not the Partner of Choice in addition to being geographically undesirable, why did Putin ask? Coupled with the fact that bringing North Korea into the fold makes this a global conflict and Putin is not ignorant to this fact, the question becomes even more interesting. But let’s set that aside for a moment (because it has to do with the porn. Sort of).
While countries aren’t people, dictators supposedly are, so in a lot of ways this is really about why did Kim Jung Un start putting so much on the line for Putin?
I would suggest there are two reasonable (if that is a word we can use here) options:
Want: Putin and Un share a vision of the future, and Russia’s victory in Ukraine is either a crucial part of that vision or contributes to assuring it indirectly.
Need: Putin has something Un needs more than Un needs 10,000+ North Koreans.
Technically, there is a third but I suspect less likely, option:
Fear: Un is afraid of Putin, and can’t say no.
This option is more an option in the ‘if I don’t say this, An Armchair General will get internet annoying kind of way.
You Said Something About Porn…
Let’s go back to ‘why did Putin ask’ for a second.
Why did he ask? Because this is important to him! And the ‘this’ in question is the expansion of Russia and the violent decrease in democracy in the world starting with Ukraine…and that is where the porn comes in.
You’ll remember several paragraphs ago we made passing mention to not knowing how effectively North Korean troops can integrate into the Russian military. We’re starting to see some signs pointing in both directions, but one thing we know for sure is that thousands of North Koreans are watching a ton of porn via the internet.
Yes.
The TLDR is that upon arrival, and exposure to relatively meaningful internet access (the Russian internet is absolutely not free but I can tell you it is WAY more free than the North Korean internet!), North Korean troops found porn. And they found it fast, and they found a lot of it.
How? I mean, they’re military aged men and it’s the internet so what did you think was going to happen? But also because the Russians helped them find it.
This is immediately interesting to me, because when we talk about ‘measuring integration of a foreign military into a host or home force,’ we look at lots of different metrics. But measuring camaraderie is hard… unless your internet search history is available.
Nuance aside, you’ve gotta be PRETTY COMFORTABLE with someone to be watching porn together. Which suggests the North Koreans and Russians have found a way to not only effectively communicate, but are building individual-level relationships. They’re spending time together!
And not all that time is being spent fighting and training, it seems.
I’ve seen some of the search terms and let me tell you, I am confident they’re doing more than fighting and training2.
Despite my overwhelming need for eye bleach, I cannot look away. Why do I find this information so fascinating? For the same reason I find it so important:
Because of the long-studied and discussed connection, and perhaps correlation, between sexual liberation and democracy.
Putin asked Un because he doesn’t want to lose his illegal war in Ukraine. Putin cannot lose the war in Ukraine and still be Putin! Putin’s vision is of Mother Russia, of Soviet Union 2.0: Better, Faster, Stronger. And that isn’t even the porno title.
Putin asked Un because they share a world vision. Putin’s plan for Russia is inherently anti-democratic and so is, despite the branding, North Korea’s. The ‘shared vision’ makes the two leaders natural (or as natural as any of this is) allies - again you might remember this from World War I and World War II.
Putin loves dic…tators3. And to Putin and Un, their shared world vision leads them to assume their citizen-subjects are inter-changeable pawns committed to this same vision. Said another way, the two were counting on North Korean troops and Russian troops being the same and having so much in common.
And boy, were they right! Again, I’ve seen the search terms.
For better or for worse, these conscripts appear to be more committed to MILFs than the motherland. And that gives me so much hope.
Hope Dangles (On A String)
As mentioned above, there is an enormous, monstrous, more-than-one-person-can-handle amount of research connecting sexual liberation to general liberation, and then democracy.
Based on what I now know about the sexual interests of several thousand North Korean and Russian troops, I feel confident that this field trip is *really* expanding the horizons of those North Koreans in one of the most private and personal ways possible. I don’t want to go too far down this (rabbit) hole but as my friend Dr. Josh Stein pointed out “look at the impact of American pro-wrestling talent exchanges in Japan in the 1980s!”
North Korea is WAY more confined than 1980s Japan and the videos these troops are seeing are WAY wilder than anything the Iron Sheik put together.
As previously mentioned, North Korea doesn’t love sending people - especially lots of people - places because most North Koreans would run towards freedom if given the chance. For Kim Jung Un to send 10,000 citizen-subjects into the world he had to either really trust they’d be kept under ‘lock and key,’ or that there was little to no chance of them surviving the trip. And that is where the hope comes in.
Wrap Up
A huge number of North Koreans have seen a giant (remember the maps) physical swath of the earth as a result of their forced involvement in an illegal, immoral invasion of a peace-seeking democracy. And if even ONE of those North Koreans survives and returns home, the world is a bigger place to them - even if they aren’t watching porn. But honestly, they probably are.
As scary as it is to see an already awful regional conflict with serious global implications turn into one featuring two invading militaries from two continents attempt to destroy a democracy, thereby turning into a global conflict with serious global implications: At least there is the porn. Because in porn, there is personal preference - something you don’t get in North Korea without punishment of death.
So I’ll end with this:
Slava Ukraine. May the 18+ deserting North Koreans find their way to safety, freedom, and as much internet as they can handle, and may at least one of the 10,000+ find a way to lose this war, make it home, and spread as much liberation as they can.
Gimme More
Department of Defense Release on North Korean’s in Russia
Many, Many Good Pieces by Newsweek
Sexual Freedom and its Opposites, The Tocquerville Review
Toward Democracy, Edward Carpenter
Sexuality in Post-war Liberal Democracies
The US government via the Department of Defense cannot confirm this matter as of 6 November, because they are focused on more “serious” matters of North Koreans in Russia, and not North Korean extracurricular activities. DOD Spokesperson Major Charlie Dietz directed further questions regarding activity on the internet in Russia to Moscow.
There is an equally interesting and important conversation to be had about how much information you can gather via publicly available internet stuff using this topic as a case study, but this post has to end at some point.
Siph, this one is for you.